Hello, I am Kuba Wschodni. "Kuba" is a Polish diminutive for "Jakob", which is fitting as I am only a very little man. I have an office in the upper left-hand drawer of Jaap van Oosten's desk at the Mathematical Institute.

My official address is:

Dr. K. Wschodni, c/o J. van Oosten

Mathematics Dept., Utrecht University

P.O. Box 80.010, 3508 TA Utrecht, The Netherlands.

My research interest is the mathematical foundations of music. I work in close collaboration with my friend and colleague Jaap van Oosten, who provides me with the mathematical rigour that my thoughts are so often lacking.

A recent result of ours is that Brahms' music lacks a sound logical underpinning, and that it cannot be formalized in ZFC. This generalizes a result by Ladro & Sporco (Rendiconti dei Fond. della Musica XXIV,45-189), who only show that induction fails for the Klavierstücke.

More precisely, we employ techniques from Transcendent Logic to show that by its very expressiveness, Brahms' music admits transfinite Gödelization; thus exhibiting in every purported universe **B** for it, a number which codes every possible extension of **B**. This, however, runs into a suitably formulated version of Russell's paradox.

Presently, I am working on "Crook's Conjecture" (see Burglar, Felon & Crook, Musica Universalis XXXIV, 434-529), which asserts that the famous "Waldscheinsonatas" (KV 410.34a-e) are not algebraic, but elliptic. It seems quite plausible that Yesenin-Volpin's recent refutation of the Second Incompleteness Theorem may turn out to provide the key idea in this topic.

Short biography: I was born in Klyndercz (Poland), in 1930. In 1945 my family fled to Austria (Vienna). I received my education at the k.k. Akademie für Katholische Weltanschauung und Grenzwissenschaftliche Erkenntnisse, where I made the acquaintance of Thomas Bernhard who was, already then, deeply interested in the *Geisteswissenschaften*; however, as he never failed to add, *``Ohne zu wissen, was die sogenannten Geisteswissenschaften eigentlich sind...''* One finds a reliable picture of the epoch in his novel *Der Untergeher*.

I graduated with a case study on repression in Brahms; arguing that the excessive use of the D-minor chord in Capriccio op.116 must be attributed to his subconscious awareness of an Iocaste-complex in his relationship to Clara Schumann. The thesis eventually got published in *Psychoanalytica*; later analysis by Jones and Bonaparte, however, revealed flaws in my work.

Without any regular position, I survived as free-lance writer of PhD theses in Philosophy, Psychology and Musicology (work which left me ample time to pursue my own interests); they still exist, filling academic libraries and carrying the names of powerful persons...

In 1955 I met Jan van Heijenoort, who embodied two of the most fascinating subjects I know: Trotskyism and Mathematical Logic. My essay *Die Dialektik des Zweihändigen Klavierspiels* is an example of my work of the era. I expound the theory that the Hegelian duality of thesis-antithesis (or subject-object) is perfectly mirrored in the *left hand-right hand* antinomy of the pre-Romantic piano literature, with Bach emphasizing the problem, Mozart denying it...until the two blend in divine synthesis with the work of Liszt; but then, as always, the infernal cycle starts anew with Ravel's Concerto for the Left Hand. The publication, in *Inprecor* 1959, gave rise to a heated debate among orthodox Marxists about the possible political interpretation of these ideas; some concluded that Bach is counterrevolutionary, but as yet the matter has not been resolved in a satisfactory fashion.

My attempts in Mathematical Logic remained embryonic for a long time. True, I am the inventor of the Deontic Principle ``If you can't, you shouldn't''; but to my regret the Principle has found little application, and most politicians seem to disagree with it, anyway. My efforts to find a logical form of Mertens' Principle *Life is hard, but not impossible* (Willem Mertens' Levensspiegel-J. van Oudshoorn) have been fruitless.

Since 1965 I live in Holland, where I find the skies and whole atmospheric context most propitious for my mental processes. I finally learnt to play the piano. My recent collaboration with Jaap van Oosten has given a new spark in my life.

I do not have my own e-mail address; please use Jaap van Oosten's: `j.vanoosten@uu.nl`, putting "Wschodni" in the header (I am usually sitting on his shoulder, and we get to read each other's e-mail).

Wschodni is a Polish name. Or better: it is the name "Van Oosten" in Polish notation. A Polish friend noticed this, and enquired to what degree we (that is, dr. Van Oosten and I) might be "the same, if not identical". The answer is that *Our names are the same, though not identical; but for us as persons, it is the other way round* (Wohltemperiertes Klavier II, Fuga XXXII, Bars 17-21).